Waymo Gets Confused in Lower Parking Lot
A.S.
October 2025
October 2025
Three days ago, a student had the bright idea of going to school in a Waymo. If you didn’t know, Waymo is the sole buyer keeping Jaguar afloat after its sales fell by 97% this April. Why are they buying so many Jaguars? To turn them into robot taxis, of course.
The student’s trip was smooth sailing, apart from a small detour through the McDonald’s drive-through (the student ordered two McGriddles, naturally). The trouble really only started when it reached the dreaded intersection of Foothill and Hampton. The Waymo contemplated taking the ramp onto the 210 or driving into the fire department, but it thankfully made the correct decision and turned.
Sadly, Mr. Lyman could do nothing to direct the Waymo—its determination was palpable. After brushing against a couple of those cars with the back window paintings that say “Seniors 2026!”, the Waymo veered through the gate at full speed. Even the newly painted road markers could not contain the future of the taxi industry. The Waymo did a few laps around the field until Robotics Club members were able to negotiate the release of the hostage, as they were the only ones on campus who spoke Robot. The student was unharmed and is currently in Ms. Pattinelli’s office as you read this article.