Strongly Worded Email
A.S.
September 2024
I’m reaching out to you personally to express my profound dissatisfaction since I wasn’t able to make headway with the other Senate staff. I am shocked and appalled that my ‘Lawn Mower Racing Club’ was cut. Lawn mower racing was a huge part of my and many others’ lives, and I am adamant that you reconsider. The Fine Art of Mower Racing is essential to learning both gardening skills and sportsmanship. Taking away our lawnmowers is like taking away Jimi Hendrix’s guitar, or Emily Dickinson’s pen. The lawnmower is a tool to achieve greater success in life. You want Prep students to be successful, right Brandon? If not, I bet you haven’t seen the underside of a lawnmower…
You cannot restrict my livelihood. I will not stand for this preposterous club purge, it is simply Orwellian! This is a crackdown on the supposed ‘values’ this institution holds sacrosanct. I implore you not to waste your time promoting bourgeoisie clubs, and instead give some recognition to the lawn mower proletariat.
“Keep the mowing blades sharp”
– Phil Collins, I Know What I Like (In Your Wardrobe) - Genesis
Regards,
Lonn Moerest